Discussions to have with your partner before baby arrives

Embarking on the journey of parenthood is a thrilling and transformative chapter, filled with anticipation and joy. 

Amidst the excitement of preparing for your baby's arrival, it's essential to recognise that a strong and resilient relationship between partners forms the bedrock of a harmonious family life. 

The cliché rings true: communication is the key. In this blog, we delve into crucial discussions that every expecting couple should have before the pitter-patter of little feet grace their home. From handling stress to defining roles, these conversations not only pave the way for a smoother transition into parenthood but also cultivate a deeper connection that will endure the beautiful chaos of raising a child. 

Let's explore the essential topics that will strengthen your relationship and set the stage for a fulfilling parenting journey.

Here are 5 topics you should discuss with your partner before baby arrives. 

1. How you handle stress 

Clarify how you both handle stress and support each other during challenging times.  Even if you have been together for a long time and feel you have a good understanding of how you handle stress, it’s still a good idea to verbalise this and work out how you best need support during stressful times. 

Bringing a baby home can be exciting but also stressful. 

Discuss:

• How you wish to be spoken to, to get the best out of you?
• How to best defuse an argument?
• What you might look like if you are stressed (do you cry, yell, go and be alone) and what you need from your partner during that time?

2. What helps you when you are feeling tired

Acknowledge the inevitable fatigue parenthood brings. Plan strategies like synchronised sleep schedules, alternating night duties, and maintaining pre-baby sleep rituals to cope with sleep deprivation. Being tired as a parent becomes the new norm, especially during the first few months. You may function extremely well on little to no sleep or you may find it difficult and need to put steps in place to make sure you are able to find moments to pick up on missed sleep. 

Discuss:

• Can we structure our time to sleep when baby sleeps
• Can we schedule and take turns over night to both get enough sleep
• Are there rituals you do now for great sleep, that you’d like to try and continue (like a cuppa tea before bed or a milo) 

3. What will help if you have a conflict 

Anticipate potential conflicts and establish proactive methods to diffuse tension. When you are tired, arguments can increase within a new family. Before baby arrives go over ways that can help to defuse an argument. 

Discuss:

• Techniques you may add to defuse a conflict early on (you may add raising your hand if your partner is yelling or a frustration jar where you right down your frustrations before they turn into an argument; you can read them when you are both feeling ok to do so)
• How you will apologise to each other if a conflict does arise 

4. Roles and responsibilities 

Discuss and allocate parenting tasks to ensure a balanced division of responsibilities. Whether it's sharing household chores or designating specific roles, this conversation minimises conflict, resentment, and disappointment in the long run. Roles and responsibilities are all the tasks and ways of doing things to do with parenting. Every parent enjoys different things about parenting. It’s important to discuss what responsibilities each parent will have within your family. 

Some couples like to divide tasks evenly and others may have one parent take more of the household responsibilities while the other takes responsibility over the yard work. 

You may feel like just going with the flow and figuring out who does what when the time comes. However discussing this early on can reduce conflict, reduce partner resentment and save disappointment later on. Having this discussion while pregnant can help the transition into parenthood so much smoother. 

Discuss:

• What you would like to be responsible for? 
• Will there be tasks that are shared?
• How will you communicate to your partner if you are feeling partner resentment?

5. How to ask for time to yourself  

Recognise the importance of self-care for both parents. Identify activities that bring joy and discuss how to communicate the need for personal time. Consider if your partner can suggest or arrange self-care activities, reinforcing a supportive environment. Needing time for yourself is called self care and it is not selfish. Self care is something you do for yourself to be able to be a great parent and partner. Self care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our own well-being. 

Self care is simple in theory and can often be overlooked. I want to let you know that self care is so important and can be anything that helps you be the best you. 

Self care activities can be anything that you enjoy doing. It can be activities that take 1 minute, 5 minutes, an hour or really as long as you need. It’s not something you force yourself to do. 

Discuss:

• What self care activities make you happy? 
• How you will ask for time?
• Can your partner suggest an activity or organise something for you? 

As you embark on this incredible journey into parenthood, remember that open communication lays the groundwork for a resilient and joyful partnership. Navigating stress, managing fatigue, resolving conflicts, defining roles, and prioritising self-care are vital discussions that strengthen the bonds between you and your partner. Embrace these conversations not only as preparations for the arrival of your baby but as ongoing investments in the strength and happiness of your relationship. Together, you can create a harmonious environment for your growing family, fostering love, understanding, and shared responsibility.