It’s ok to ask for help; parenting is hard work

As a mum of three young children, I know firsthand how tough parenting can be.

Between the sleepless nights, temper tantrums, and endless piles of laundry, it’s easy to feel like you’re drowning in a sea of responsibilities. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to go it alone. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. And trust me, you’re going to need all the strength you can get on this wild ride we call parenthood. So let’s talk about why it’s ok to ask for help, and why doing so might just be the best thing you can do for yourself and your family.

Being pregnant, going through labour and delivery and then bringing home a new baby can be overwhelming and exhausting yet joyous and magical. During this time it is common for mums to put the weight of the world on our shoulders. We try to take on it all, often to the point where our own basic needs are not being met. You often hear mums say that they never get to have a hot meal or a hot cuppa or even get to have a shower, because the needs of others take over meeting their own basic needs. Asking for help isn’t selfish. It doesn’t matter if you would like help simply during a difficult period or on an ongoing basis to keep on top of things. I’m here to remind you to ask for help.

Here are 9 ways you can ask for help:

1. Clarify what you need

Being clear with what you need is important. The people offering help will have different views on what may need to be done with a new baby in the home. Give them some ideas of what would help you.

2. Keep your to-do list handy

You probably have a running list in your mind with all the small tasks that need to happen during the day. Keeping a to-do list is a great way to keep your thoughts clear and to take the burden off of you when giving out tasks to the people offering help. Keep that to-do list visible by either having a note book on the kitchen bench or use a magnetised white board on your fridge. The to-do list allows helpers to pick something to do without having to ask you.

3. Don’t be afraid to follow up

If you find that some clothes have been put into the wrong drawers or cutlery put in different spots, don’t be afraid to follow up with the people helping and let them know. Make sure you give feedback in a polite way, some may take offence.

4. Use a meal service

Think about Meal Train, which is a fabulous website for coordinating home-cooked dinners from family and friends.

5. Use social media

Social media can be a useful tool to connect with a community of like- minded women who also have recently become mothers. Facebook Groups for example can be a great source of camaraderie and a place to get support and questions answered.

6. Outsource your needs

It’s important to note that you can’t do it all. If you find that there are things outside of caring for yourself and baby piling up, you can outsource some tasks to make sure you are not overwhelming yourself. It is common to outsource gardening, some cooking, cleaning and even things like ironing.

7. Try a support group

During pregnancy you may have been linked to a mothers group. Groups like these are set up to provide support to you when you come home with baby. You can lean on this group on women with your thoughts, your feelings and to help you through any stage you are going through because they are going through the same thing.

8. Reach out to a professional

We rely on professional support from doctors, nurses, midwives and obstetricians to help through pregnancy, it is less common to access help from professionals once baby is here. You can reach out to a GP, a counsellor or psychologist, an obstetrician, a lactation consultant, a paediatrician, a midwife (CAFHS), or a baby sleep consultant (to name a few)

9. Work through your feelings on accepting help

It’s not uncommon for people to feel slightly uncomfortable accepting help from others during pregnancy and when baby comes home for many reasons. You may feel you should be able to do it all, the people helping may not do the tasks the way you would or that you will be judged for accepting help. Working through your thoughts and feelings is important.

Reminder

Here is your reminder that asking for help isn’t selfish. Allow yourself to accept the help that is offered or seek help if you need it.

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